I Do, or Dye Trying (Curl Up and Dye Mysteries,#4) Read online

  “My name is Ryder Pinelli and I’m a private investigator from Cincinnati.” He held out his hand, and I shook it.

  “Can I see some identification?” I asked, unwilling to take his word for it.

  “Absolutely,” he replied, reaching into his jacket pocket. “Here you go.” He flipped open a rectangular wallet that had his picture ID on one side and his PI license on the other. “I’ve been hired by your birth mother to find you, sir.” Honestly, I think I would’ve been less surprised had he pulled out a gun and aimed it at me.

  “Her family used to be good friends with mine,” I told the man. “Why not call them instead of hiring a PI?”

  “Mrs. Gutierrez worried that they wouldn’t approve of her requesting to meet you after all this time, so she hired me. She asked me to give you this letter and let you know the decision is all up to you and she’ll not force herself into your life or try to contact you again.” Pinelli held out an envelope toward me, but I could only stare at it.

  “Thank you, Mr. Pinelli,” Josh said, easing the envelope from the man’s fingers. “I’ll make sure he reads it when he’s ready.”

  “Very well,” Pinelli said formally. “Have a nice evening.”

  I said nothing as the man returned to his car and drove away. Hell, I don’t think I even moved until Josh slid his fingers between mine and tugged me over to the wicker furniture we didn’t even want. “Wow,” I finally said after several minutes of quiet.

  “This feels like an episode of The Twilight Zone,” Josh said. “Hey, maybe that was the man in Emory’s vision. He wasn’t from your past, but he brought news from your past. Maybe the colors and auras that Emory saw were more about what the man carried inside him, not what he directed at you.”

  I could tell how much he wanted that to be true. Hell, I wanted it to be true too. I wanted to get on with living and loving without the added worry that someone was out to get me. “Maybe,” I said, but I didn’t sound too convincing. I leaned back on the sofa, wrapped my arm around Josh’s shoulders and pulled him against my chest.

  “Are you going to open that letter?” Josh asked me softly.

  “One day,” I said honestly. “This was something I never dreamed about or ever expected. I have a family that loves me, and I never wanted to belong to a different family. My life changes the minute I open the envelope and how can I know it’ll be for the better?”

  “No one could know that,” Josh said, then snorted. “Maybe Emory, but he’s all hit and miss with his visions. How frustrating that must be for him.”

  “I’ll give this the regard it deserves, but not until I’m ready. I want to talk to my parents first and find out how they feel about it. I don’t want them to worry about losing me, Sunshine. They lost one son, and they don’t need to worry about losing another.”

  “That’s very thoughtful of you, but Martina and Al would never want to hold back your happiness. They know damn well that you’re their boy.”

  “You always know the right thing to say,” I told Josh softly.

  “It’s a gift,” he boasted then laughed a little. “I’m not going to call the furniture company and complain, Gabe.”

  “You’re not?” I asked. Josh was terrified when he saw it sitting on our porch.

  “Nope, this set is much prettier, and it seems like it’s fated to be ours,” he told me.

  “Yeah, let’s not tempt fate,” I agreed.

  We sat there quietly for a while, neither of us saying much. Even though my mind was a million miles away, my heart was right where I left it—tucked safely in the hands of the man nestled up beside me.

  TWO WEEKS LATER THE envelope from Gabe’s birth mother still sat on top of our dresser. Every morning I would watch Gabe stare at it while he dressed and every night I’d catch him doing the same thing when he got ready for bed. Every morning and every night during those two weeks I just wanted to cry for the anguish he felt but never revealed. It killed me to keep silent, but Gabe had shown me nothing but patience while I came to terms with my past and my feelings for him. I’d do the same for him or die trying, which was a possibility because I felt like I was going to implode from the buildup of pressure inside me.

  He spent a lot of time in his head, and I wondered what the hell was going on in his beautiful brain. Why was he so afraid to open the letter? Did he think it would be disloyal to Al and Martina? Didn’t he want to know if he had brothers or sisters? Was that what upset him? Was he torn up inside because he was curious about potential siblings and thought it was disloyal to Dylan? Did he worry that he wouldn’t like his birth mother?

  Outwardly, it appeared that he was taking things in stride, but I knew better. He was a man who didn’t stress over little things but suddenly they got under his skin. We went over to our new, unnamed home one night after work to check on the progress since we were supposed to move in the following week. I noticed that the light fixtures hung in the master bathroom weren’t the ones that I ordered and Gabe’s response when I mentioned it stunned me.

  “I’ll take care of this right now,” he had said angrily, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket. “Andy needs to pay closer attention to these details. You were very specific on the fixtures you wanted. Fuck! You printed a picture of them from the internet and circled the item number for him. How much easier does he need it?”

  “Gabe,” I said patiently.

  “These aren’t the fixtures you asked for, and you shouldn’t have to live with them, Sunshine.”

  It was all I could do not to laugh over his outrage. I mean, hearing my cutesy pet name said in a snarly voice was hilarious. It would be like angrily shouting “I love you” at a person. The irritated, scowling expression on his face was just too much, and the dam broke. My laughter echoed loudly in the bathroom, but instead of breaking him out of his funk as I had hoped, it seemed to frustrate him further.

  “I fail to see what’s so funny about shitty craftsmanship and poor professionalism,” he said haughtily, which only made me laugh harder until tears ran down my face and I clutched my stomach. “Well, I’m waiting.” Fuck me; Gabe was hilarious when he was in a snit!

  I dug deep and found my composure after several minutes. “Darling,” I said, earning a scornful, raised brow at the endearment that never slid from my lips unless I was describing something I wanted to buy. “What was the only thing you asked for when we discussed renovating this bathroom?” I asked him. I placed my hands on my hips and pinned him with a look that said I meant business. “The only thing,” I stressed.

  “Enough built-in shelves in the fancy tiled shower to hold all your grooming products and lube,” he said somewhat defensively. “Body wash burns when used as lube,” Gabe said as if I hadn’t learned this fact already long before I met him.

  “What do we have in the custom-built shower?” I asked him.

  “Jets to massage your body all over,” he said defiantly.

  “And?” I prompted

  He blew out a frustrated breath and said, “Plenty of shelves for lube. I fail to see the point.”

  “The point is that the only thing you cared about was a place for the lube and you got it. You had no idea that the fixtures were wrong until I said something and I didn’t even say it angrily. It was more of a ‘huh; those aren’t the light fixtures I ordered’ kind of thing. To tell the truth, I like these fixtures better than the ones I picked out. So, put down the cell phone over there on the counter and let’s test out the jets in our new shower.”

  “Now? The bathroom isn’t finished,” Gabe said, but he was already pulling his shirt over his head. “How are we going to dry off?”

  “It’s ninety-nine point nine percent finished.” I went over to the linen closet and opened it to reveal two folded towels and a bottle of our favorite lubricant. I stashed it there the day before in preparation for the big reveal.

  “You think of everything.” A wicked smile spread across his face as he shimmied out of his jeans.

  Our shouts
of pleasure echoed all over the bathroom and probably the entire second floor of that area of the home, since there wasn’t any furniture or area rugs to act as a buffer. He rode me hard enough against the glass wall that we knew that the craftsmanship had indeed not been shitty. It was constructed to withstand a furious fuck. Gabe was loose as hell after that and I had hoped it was the break in tension he needed, but the next morning it had returned.

  I knew we couldn’t go on pretending there wasn’t a giant elephant in the room but I wasn’t sure what the hell to say or do. I wanted so badly to talk to someone and get their advice on how to help Gabe, but it felt wrong to talk about his struggle to anyone. I decided to just be patient and understanding while he decided what to do.

  My salvation came in the form of a phone call the very next day. Brook said that she’d received a call from a friend who ran a bird rescue organization who was in possession of a bird who needed a forever home. Birds like Savage were rare and were often illegally brought into our country and sold. The owners often didn’t want the expense or hassle of taking care of them properly, and many died. Savage had been well-loved, if not brainwashed with filth, but was left alone after his owner died. The bird that Brook was calling me about wasn’t as fortunate as Savage.

  “She’s beautiful, Josh. Her name is Sassy, and she’s a scarlet macaw. I think she’ll get along with our boy just fine,” Brook said. “Would you like me to text you some pictures?”

  “Nope, I just need the address,” I said into the phone. I knew Sassy was our girl the minute that Brook said her name.

  The next day I drove ninety minutes north to pick up a surprise for two of my guys. Gabe had found his Sassy, and it was time that Savage found his too. It was my early night at the salon, so I headed out before Gabe got home from work. I left him a note that said I was on a secret mission for a surprise and would call him when I was on my way back. True to my word, I called when I was about thirty minutes away.

  “Where’d you go for this surprise? Is it a sexy surprise?” Gabe asked hopefully, his deep voice rumbling out my speakers caused a shiver to work its way down my spine.

  “I’m standing at the dildo section at Kinky Kim’s,” I told him. “Trying to decide if you’d like the Tonsil Tickler model.”

  “Tonsil Tickler?” he asked in fear.

  “You know, it’s so long that you can feel it tickling your tonsils when it’s…”

  “… Yeah, I figured that out, Sunshine.”

  “’Cause you’re a badass detective,” I replied.

  “Sometimes you don’t have to be real bright to figure things out,” Gabe replied with a laugh. “So, when can I expect you and your new dildo home?”

  “It’s your dildo and about twenty-five minutes,” I said, adjusting for the time we spent on the phone.

  “Dildo! Dildo!” Sassy said from the seat beside me. Here’s the deal, she was more articulate with her words. She sounded more human than Savage, and there’s very little difference between a female and male bird voice—for lack of a better word. It sounded like I had a dude in the car with me.

  “Josh, who’s that?” Gabe asked slowly.

  “It’s your surprise, baby!” I said.

  “Take him back because I only want you and I thought you only wanted me. What the hell is going on?” Gabe asked angrily.

  “Just trust me, Gabe. I’ll see you in less than twenty minutes.”

  I bet you’ll never guess who was waiting for me in the driveway when I pulled in. Gabe stood there with his arms crossed over his broad chest wearing a thunderous expression. A huge smile bloomed across his face when he spied the cage in my passenger seat and the majestic bird inside it. Sassy was a little taller than Savage and mostly a vibrant red with blue and yellow feathers on her wings and tail. She was fucking magnificent, and I fell in love with her the second she blew kisses at me.

  “Surprise!” I said, opening the door.

  “How? Where?” Gabe just shook his head. Then Sassy made kissy sounds at him, and I swear he melted into a puddle of goo in the driveway. “What’s his name?”

  “Her name is Sassy, and she’s a scarlet macaw,” I told him.

  “She sounds like a boy,” Gabe said, clearly confused.

  “You’re confusing cartoon birds with reality. Sassy’s tone is a little different than Savage’s, but she articulates her words better and sounds more human. It’s odd because usually, the male birds are better talkers than female birds.”

  “Well, Savage only knows gutter talk, so I’m not sure anyone spent a lot of time teaching him things,” Gabe said, reaching in to pull Sassy’s cage out of the car. “Hi, Sassy,” Gabe said to his new pet because I could tell that she was already bonding with him. She was dancing in her cage and flapping her wings. I couldn’t blame her; he made me want to do those things too. “You sure are a pretty girl.”

  Sassy whistled and blew kisses to him again. “Pretty girl,” she repeated. I wondered how long it would be before she called him Big Daddy like Savage did.

  “I’m worried how Savage is going to react to her,” I said. I’d done some research, and I planned to keep them separated for a while and would let them take their time getting to know one another. Gabe wasn’t joking when he said he wanted him to have a warm, tropical-looking room to live. Besides room for his lube, it was his only request. Some people had large aquariums in their living rooms, but we would have a large solarium complete with rainforest sounds. A perfect home for Savage and his new lady friend.

  “Savage and Sassy,” Gabe said out loud as he led the way up the steps to the back door. “Sounds like some punk rock band or something.”

  “Suits us perfectly,” I said.

  “Ready for this?” Gabe asked, pausing at the top of the steps of our apartment.

  I nodded but then said, “Wait. We’re going to want this on film.” I pulled out my phone and walked around Gabe to go first so I could be in a position to film Savage’s reaction to seeing Sassy for the first time. I was glad that I had.

  Savage raised his head high then swooped it down low and to the left before he swooped back up and then back down to the right. He walked sideways on his perch as if he was trying to get a better look at her. He raised his wings high in the air and pranced on his perch some more. I thought it might be the equivalent to a bird hard-on, but I wasn’t sure. Meanwhile, Sassy countered Savage’s every move but opposite. When he went high, she went low, but synchronized by the time they were doing the wing dance.

  “Look what Big Daddy has,” Gabe said, hogging all the fucking credit. I cleared my throat. “Little Daddy went out and got you a friend, so it’s his fault if you don’t like her.”

  “Is this what I can expect when we have children?” I asked. “I’ll have to be the bad dad, and you get to be the good dad?”

  “Probably,” Gabe said nonchalantly. “I’ll be tired of bad-copping all day, so I will want to be the good dad when I get home.” He gave me the boyish grin I loved so much. It had been missing since the private investigator showed up with the envelope. He turned back to his boy, Savage, and said, “Can you say hi to Sassy?”

  “Blow me!” Savage squawked.

  “That’s no way to talk to a lady, Dirty Bird!” Gabe shook his head, admonishing Savage. “Be nice to Sassy.”

  “Dirty Bird!” Sassy squawked, getting Savage’s attention. He did some more head rolling and wing walking back and forth on his perch. “Dirty Bird!” Sassy repeated.

  “Sugartits!” Savage fired back.

  “Oh man,” Gabe said after laughing his ass off. “I’m so glad you’re recording this.”

  “Big Daddy!” Sassy said, and that riled Savage up even more. He didn’t want anyone calling Gabe that but him.

  “Cumguzzler!” Savage practically screeched.

  “Big Daddy!” Sassy repeated.

  The confrontation went on for another half hour, which turned out to be one of the funniest times in my life. Gabe smiled and laughed so much tha
t I knew I’d made the right decision to bring Sassy home without discussing it with him. After the birds calmed down and seemed happy to stare at one another through their cages, Gabe pulled me into a tight hug.

  “What made you decide to get another bird?” he asked.

  I told him the story and added, “I just wanted to do something to put a smile on your face. Besides, Savage is about to spend a lot of time alone, and I worried that he’d get anxious again. Now he has company.”

  “Makes sense,” Gabe replied, nodding his head. “I’m sorry if I’ve been a bear to live with the last few weeks.” He nuzzled his nose against the outer shell of my ear and made me shiver.

  “You don’t have enough body hair to be called a bear,” I told him, earning a sharp slap on my ass. “Besides, you’ve had a valid reason for being withdrawn.”

  Gabe pulled back and looked down at me. “You feel like I’ve withdrawn from you?” he asked somberly.

  “I think you’ve had a lot on your mind, and it’s clamoring for your attention, but I’m not implying that you’ve neglected me, Gabe. You’re trying to work through something huge, and I’m trying to give you space and the support you need while you do it.”

  “Withdrawing from you isn’t the answer,” Gabe said. I was surprised by how shaken he looked.

  “Withdrawn is probably not the right word,” I told him. “Distracted might be a better choice.” The glower on his face said that it wasn’t. “Babe, I’m not upset with you. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I was trying to make you feel better.” I wasn’t getting the reaction that I wanted, so I was forced to take desperate measures.

  I raised my head high on my neck then swooped it down low to the left, raised it high again then dropped it down low to the right. Still, Gabe didn’t crack a smile. I had no choice but to lift my arms up like wings and shuffle back and forth. That finally got him. I added some swear words and continued to do my Savage dance.

  “What the fuck are you doing?” Gabe asked breathlessly once he finally stopped laughing.