Ride or Dye (Curl Up and Dye Mysteries, #6) Read online

  I KNEW WHAT THAT look meant. If I wanted to fake fight with Gabe, then I’d have to be the one to throw the first fake punch. I could tell Gabe didn’t see the necessity of a phony war between us, but I knew it would work best. By exposing our fake weaknesses, we had a much better chance at learning the real weaknesses of our enemies. In fact, I’d already seen it pan out when Clyde and Bonnie approached him earlier in the evening after our little tiff. Gabe wasn’t afraid to challenge me or say what was on his mind, but he had a hard time working up fake angst and anger. He was a no-fuss kind of guy, and normally, I liked it.

  “I think it’s all of the above,” I told Candace.

  Yanny snorted but didn’t look up from sawing through his meat. Surgeon, my ass. “I knew it. No one does genuinely nice things for people anymore.” Cynical much?

  His remark didn’t make me angry; it made me sad for him. Gabe and I did nice things for each other all the damn time. This trip was a prime example of how thoughtful Gabe was, and I was ready to set Yanny straight. The sudden weight of Gabe’s hand on my thigh calmed me down and reminded me this was nothing more than a game. I’d never see these people again, so did it matter what they thought of Gabe and Josh—the professor and his pole dancer?

  “Mostly, he does nice things when he gets busy at the university and forgets important dates or the kids’ activities he insisted they do so they’re well-rounded.” I did air quotes around the well-rounded bit, earning a smirk from the people around the table.

  “Late nights at the university, huh, professor?” Yanny asked with a speculative look in his eye. “Let me guess,” he said, leaning forward, “his teaching assistant is young, cute, and firm.”

  The hair stood up on the back of my neck, and my heart pinched painfully at the thought of another man earning Gabe’s affection. Gabe’s hand inched slowly up my thigh, assuring me he belonged to me and I to him. “And eager to please the professor,” I added salaciously.

  “And he thought this vacation would allow you to rekindle the fires you once had,” Yanny said, nodding like he was a fucking relationship expert. He aimed a penetrating stare at Gabe and asked, “Has it worked, professor, or are you counting the days until you can return to your paramour?”

  Paramour? Who said those things anymore? Gabe stiffened beside me and dug his fingers into my thigh. I worried he might throw his steak knife into Yanny’s chest or bounce his crystal water glass off his smug face.

  “We may have our problems, but Gabe would never cheat on me. He loves me, our children, and the life we’ve built together.”

  “He looked awfully chummy with dear old Henry earlier today.”

  I turned and looked at Gabe with a raised brow. My reaction was only partially fake since this was news to me. He told me he’d stayed up in our room all day reading which implied lack of interaction with other persons. How exactly did the little pow-wow go down, anyway?

  “It was nothing,” Gabe said. I felt his body tense, and his eyes widened with what was supposed to look like innocence; both things, combined with his tone of voice, screamed defensive mannerisms to me. Did he forget about my original major, and how much I loved studying humanity? What the hell did he have to feel defensive over?

  “Stop creating trouble,” Candace spoke up. “I also happened to be dining while Gabe passed through. Henry called him over to the table where he sat alone, and they spoke for two or three minutes tops. There was nothing flirty or inappropriate about the exchange.”

  I released a quiet sigh of relief. Gabe dug his fingers deeper into my thigh, letting me know he heard it. I knew he’d have something to say about my momentary doubt, and I’d offer a sincere apology because I had no defense for it. Jesus. This was Gabe, and he wore his honor like superheroes wore capes.

  Mitzi tilted her head to the side and studied us unnervingly. “I got the impression Henry suggested what you could do with your free time.”

  “See,” Yanny said. “I wasn’t the only one who saw the exchange accurately. Miss Disney Princess only sees what she wants to.”

  Candace’s face turned bright red with fury. “Disney Princess?” Okay, it was hard to take her seriously with that voice. Could she surprise us like the lady in the Police Academy movies Gabe loves so much? Possibly. It sure looked like she was working up to it. “I’ll have you know—” Mitzi covered Candace’s hand where it rested on the table, cutting off whatever she was about to say. I knew it would have been huge. I bet Candace’s demeanor was all an act. She was probably an engineer or something really brainy. I had the distinct feeling she wasn’t happy about her role and was about to set Yanny straight and ruin her cover.

  Yanny must’ve sensed it too because he raised his glass and silently toasted her. Then he turned his laser-like gaze on Gabe, and I knew I wasn’t going to like the words he spoke next. “Did he, or did he not, slip you a piece of paper?” I didn’t just dislike the words; I hated them.

  Candace leaned across the table and looked at me. I couldn’t look away from her direct, no-nonsense expression. “He gave it right back. I don’t even think he looked at it.”

  I looked at Gabe. “Is that true?”

  “We’ll discuss this privately,” Gabe said stiffly, but the gentle motion of his hand on my leg assured me his words were part of his act.

  “Teach, you should’ve never allowed yourself to fall in love with your private dancer let alone marry him. He’s never going to understand guys like us.”

  “Excuse me?” Gabe asked. I must say, his arrogant tone of voice was doing delicious things to my body. “You don’t know enough about me to make a bold statement like that.” Oh, how he bristled gloriously. Damn, I wanted to role play the naughty professor and his slutty personal assistant when we got back to our room. “You know nothing of our life to base an opinion on.”

  “According to your husband, your attention is roaming.”

  “He isn’t there to see if my ‘attention is roaming.’ Josh is projecting his insecurities onto me. He’s the one who thinks he’s not good enough for me, not the other way around. I am proud of him and the life we have together. All marriages have dry spells and hurdles to jump.”

  “Especially with juggling kids,” I said, turning to look at Gabe. “We need to work harder on making time for us.” I leaned in for a quick kiss while Gabe took advantage of my shift to cup my crotch beneath the table. I didn’t know it was possible for me to have anything left in the tank, but my engine wanted to fire to life.

  “Aww,” Laurel said, covering her heart. “My faith is renewed.” So much for making the other competitors think we had marital problems.

  Yanny snorted while Mitzi and Candace smiled endearingly. We spent the rest of the dinner discussing less controversial topics, but I noticed how Yanny diverted the conversation anytime we steered too close to his work by saying things like, “No shop talk while on vacation.”

  “Not even to tell us about your specialty?” Mitzi asked innocently. I noticed she kept watching his hands too. I wouldn’t let Yanny cut coupons, let alone my flesh.

  “Yanny, stop being so modest. He’s one of the top cardiothoracic surgeons in our state.”

  “Country,” Yanny corrected. The douche didn’t want to talk shop, but he sure as hell wanted to brag about his fake accomplishments.

  “Oh! It’s good to know we’ll be in good hands if we have an accident and break a bone or something.”

  Laurel’s eyes widened slightly, and I could tell she was worried Yanny would blow their cover. “No, dear,” she said patiently. “A cardiothoracic surgeon performs surgery on the thorax region which is your heart and lungs. We don’t want to be in need of his services this weekend.”

  “Oh,” Candace said wide-eyed. “Definitely not.”

  Gabe rubbed his hands together gleefully when the waiter delivered our desserts to our table. Then he lowered his head and inhaled deeply. “Boozy pie,” he said lustily.

  “I was so excited when Chef Pierre announced what
we were making for dessert. He used the top-notch bourbon too.”

  “Bourbon? In a pie?” Mitzi asked. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

  I turned my attention to her. “It’s my recipe and only the best apple pie you will ever eat.”

  “We’ll just see about that,” Mitzi said, forking a tiny bite in her mouth. Her eyes widened when the flavor burst on her tongue. “Oh, my!”

  “I know,” I replied cockily. “Dig in, everyone.” I wanted all the adoration and wouldn’t bother to deny it. I glanced over to see if the other tables had started in on their desserts and noticed the tables were empty.

  “I want their pie,” Gabe said. “They don’t get a redo.”

  “I didn’t even know they’d left,” I confessed.

  Gabe leaned over and pressed his mouth to my ear. “You were either too busy getting pissed when you thought I was flirting with Henry, or you were fantasizing about playing naughty professor when we get back to our room.” Gabe leaned back and raised a brow, daring me to deny it.

  “Guilty,” I whispered back but didn’t tell him I’d thought of both of those things. I’d wait and spring it on him when we were alone.

  “Brenda Leigh would’ve noticed.” Gabe winked playfully and went back to eating.

  He was right though. I should’ve been aware that six people left the room, especially the two hostile groups. Where did they go? Back to their rooms to cool things down or heat them up? Did I even want to know? Hell yes.

  “Oh darn,” Juliette said when she entered the dining area. “I hoped they would reconsider their decision to avoid group activities. I mean, solving the murder mystery will involve interaction between everyone.” She shook her head sadly. “At least there are the six of you to play along.”

  “I think we’ve gotten to know each other well enough over dinner,” Gabe said. He went around the table rattling off the things he knew about everyone to demonstrate. “We’ve talked plenty.”

  “Don’t sound so stodgy, dear,” I teased. “It won’t hurt us to spend a bit more time together before the festivities begin. Besides, it would seem the other three couples have an advantage over us since they know each other so well.”

  “Excellent point,” Juliette said, beaming her approval at me. “Just one group activity.”

  There was a mixture of grumbled acceptance and exuberant replies, but we agreed to move over to the bar while they set up a table of activities. Gabe drank scotch on the rocks while I ordered one of my typical fruity concoctions. I noticed that all the couples seemed to wander off to give themselves a bit of space. There was a heated exchange between Yanny and Laurel while Mitzi looked to be coaching Candace. I suspected she was reminding her to play dumb. As for me, I played the adoring husband role so very well. I couldn’t wait to get back to our room to demonstrate my adoration.

  “You make me feel like I’m twenty again,” Gabe whispered in my ear.

  “Yeah, but it would make me like twelve.”

  “That’s so gross. You damn well know what I mean.”

  “You might have to get the paddle out and punish me,” I told Gabe.

  “Did you pack a paddle?” He sounded excited about the idea.

  “You’ll have to wait and find out.”

  “We’re going to get this socializing crap over with soon so we can get upstairs and—”

  “Trying to store up as many sexy times for when you return to your tired, dusty old marital bed?” Yanny asked snidely.

  I scowled at him while laughing on the inside. There was nothing old, tired, or dusty about our sex life. “Something like that,” I mumbled.

  “Let’s get started,” Juliette said. “Feel free to wander around the room until you find an activity table to your liking.”

  There were a variety of things to choose from Twenty Questions to Never Have I Ever, but the one we all seemed to navigate toward was the one with popular social media memes. One asked you to quote a popular line from a movie or song from the year you were born so the rest of the group could guess. Everyone easily guessed until it was Mitzi’s turn.

  “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world, she walks into mine,” Mitzi said. “Candace isn’t allowed to guess since she knows the answer.”

  “Gone with the Wind,” Laurel guessed.

  “That was 1939,” Mitzi said. “Close.”

  “Wizard of Oz,” Yanny guessed. Did he really think there were gin joints in Oz?

  “Also 1939,” Mitzi said.

  “Woman of the Year,” Gabe suggested. “It is one of my mom’s favorites. I think it was from the forties.”

  “Same year, wrong movie,” Mitzi told him, smiling fondly. She sure didn’t look like a seventy-six-year-old woman.

  “Casablanca,” I casually said.

  “Did you guess, or did you know?” Mitzi asked.

  “I knew. I’ve seen the movie hundreds of times. I think it’s time to watch it again.”

  The next printed meme in the pile wasn’t as fun, and the third was just silly, but the last one created quite a stir. It had a picture of a jail cell and listed all kinds of sexual activities with the number of years you’d get in jail for each “crime.” You tallied up the numbers next to each one to see how many years total you’d spend in jail.

  “Oh my,” Candace said breathily when she looked over the list. “I’m frightfully boring. I only get like three years in jail.”

  “Three?” Yanny asked, sounding appalled. “Sweetheart, I will happily help you scratch some items off this list.”

  “Hey, asshole,” I said. “It’s a social media meme, not her bucket list.”

  “No need to get so hostile,” Yanny replied, sitting back in his chair. “Afraid you won’t measure up to me?”

  “What’s your number?”

  Yanny cracked a joke about needing a calculator and made a big production of adding the numbers up on his cell phone. “Sixty-nine!” he boasted. “What a fitting number. Your turn. I know you think you have the advantage over me since I’ve never had anal sex or fucked someone of the same sex, but I doubt it.”

  “Eighty-two,” I said without having to add. “I just answered this last week.”

  “Eighty-two?” Gabe asked. “Wow.”

  “Why are you looking all shocked, professor? Most of these numbers I’ve racked up with you, and I do believe your number is higher once you add yours up.”

  “No way,” Gabe said, taking the printout. “I… Oh, yeah. I have done most of these things. Which one have I done that you haven’t?”

  “At least two,” I told him. “I’ve never had sex with an ex after we broke up nor have I had sex with a friend. I believe you’ve done both.”

  “It’s the same guy, so only one counts,” Gabe replied. He had me there. “Okay, my number is eighty-five.”

  Laurel blushed when she tallied up her number. “Fifty-eight. It’s a pretty respectable number.”

  Mitzi went last. “I don’t need to add it up to know I beat you all since there isn’t one thing on the list I haven’t done.”

  “Mom!” Candace exclaimed in horror. I could tell she wanted to ask questions.

  Mitzi just shook her head. “Don’t ask if you can’t handle the truth.”

  “I think it’s time to call it a night. Clearly, my mother is overtired.”

  “I am not overtired. I am fully capable of recognizing all the delicious things I’ve gotten up to throughout my adult years.” A wistful gleam shone in the older woman’s light blue eyes. “Those were the days.”

  “Hey there, firecracker,” Yanny said lecherously. “You’re not dead yet, and the night is still young.”

  “We’re going,” Gabe said, scooting his chair back suddenly and rising to his feet. “Goodnight, everyone.” He turned and left the room at a brisk walk. I rose just as quickly and bid them all a good evening before I followed. I caught him right before he reached the staircases.

  “You played Professor Prude really good ther
e at the end. I nearly blew it by making you out to be a sex fiend.”

  Gabe chuckled. “Some of those answers were so common that everyone should have included them. I mean, who hasn’t used sex as a form of bartering?”

  “And what exactly do you use your dick to barter for, Gabe?”

  “An extra half hour of sleep and the sports package on cable to name a few.”

  “That’s it?” I asked, stopping at our suite door so he could unlock it.

  “What do you use sex to barter for?” Gabe asked.

  “If I tell you, it will no longer be effective.”

  “You little impertinent brat,” Gabe said, sounding sexy and commanding. Naughty professor indeed.

  “What did the note say?” I asked, changing the subject suddenly.

  Gabe cupped my face with both hands and looked me square in the eyes. “I didn’t read it. I wasn’t interested in anything he had to say or offer. You’re it for me, Sunshine.”

  “What did he say before slipping the note to you?”

  “He talked about the storm the newscasters predicted would hit tonight and asked if I recommended anything off the lunch menu. That was the gist of our conversation.”

  “Okay.”

  “Okay?” Gabe sounded skeptical.

  “I trust you.”

  “So, you didn’t doubt me for even a second?” I thought back to the conversation at dinner. I didn’t like how Gabe had left parts out, but I didn’t believe he did it to hurt me.

  “Half a second maybe, but then I remembered I married an honorable man who freaking adores me.”

  “How are we supposed to have fake makeup sex if we don’t get into a fake fight?”

  “We’ll have naughty-professor sex instead. Take everything off, but put the jacket back on. Oh, and I want you to keep that pipe in your mouth the entire time I give you head. If the pipe falls out, then I stop.”

  “I like this game.”

  I hid my smirk from Gabe’s face because I doubted he could keep the pipe clamped between his teeth while I worked my mouth up and down his hard length. The only noises my man made were grunts of pleasure, and he somehow managed to hold onto the pipe until the last drop of cum slid down my throat. Gabe turned me over his knee and pretended to punish his wayward assistant with firm slaps to my ass followed by the most delicious hand job ever.