A Dye Hard Holiday (Curl Up and Dye Mysteries, #5) Read online

  “I better turn this down some more because I’ve seen how long ‘just a minute’ is to both of you. Is there anything I can help you with?” We both looked at her with raised brows. “In the kitchen,” she clarified then pointed toward the ceiling, indicating the second floor of our home where the bedrooms were located. “I assume you have things figured out up there.” Her laughter followed us up the staircase.

  “Are you hurt?” Gabe asked once we were alone.

  “No.”

  “Take off your shirt.”

  “Oh, are you going to make me dance for you again. Hey, do you want to reenact that movie True Lies? You can be Arnold, and I’ll be Jamie Lee.” I was nervous, so I rambled, which only spiked Gabe’s curiosity more. I honestly wanted to do something sexy like a little striptease to reveal my new badass ink.

  Gabe wasn’t on board with that. He crossed to me and lifted my shirt without warning. Gabe inhaled sharply then said my name on a slow sigh. “Baby, what did you do?” I had watched his face closely and saw the awe spread across his features. The worry lines around his eyes and mouth softened and smoothed out as he traced his finger over the tattoo. He didn’t seem to mind that it was covered in ointment. “Does it hurt?”

  “It’s a little tender,” I admitted. “It’s an early gift.”

  “It’s beautiful, Sunshine. It looks delicate and strong at the same time.”

  “That was the goal of the design. Individually, our lives are fragile and delicate, but when you connect with your soulmate, you form something intricately stronger that continues to grow and sustains life.”

  “You drew this?” Gabe asked in awe.

  “I sure did.”

  “I want one too,” he said. “Right over my heart like yours.”

  “I was kind of hoping you’d say that. Part two of your surprise is that I made you an appointment for tomorrow.”

  “I can’t wait.” Gabe rubbed his hands together gleefully. “First, Dylan and Destiny have their first Christmas parade.” A smile slowly stretched across his face. “What are you dressing them as?”

  “What makes you think I’m dressing them up? It’s cold outside so no one would be able to see their cutesy little outfits, if I picked some out.”

  “I know you better than I know myself. You have something adorable planned for pictures for the parade. So, what is it?”

  “Knitted reindeer sweaters that are lined with faux fur and hats with little antlers sewn at the top. I planned on painting their little noses red like Rudolph.”

  “That comes on tonight! Don’t let me forget to record it.”

  I patted Gabe’s chest. “I already took care of it when you made that crazy master list.”

  “Yeah, well my favorite comes on Friday night.”

  “Die Hard is not a Christmas movie, Gabe.”

  “Sure, it is,” he argued. “It’s the best Christmas movie ever. Shit gets blown up, terrorists get killed, and Badass Bruce saves the day. You don’t get any more Christmas-y than that.”

  “Did you take that quote straight from his fan club?” I questioned as I put my shirt back on.

  “What movie is a better Christmas movie than Die Hard?”

  “Where do I begin?” I rolled my eyes dramatically. “It’s a Wonderful Life, Home Alone…”

  “Which Home Alone?” Gabe asked seriously.

  “The first one, of course, even though the second one was good too.”

  “I think Home Alone is a close second to Die Hard,” Gabe admitted. “You know, we could create a holiday movie of our own?” He waggled his brows suggestively. “A fun title comes immediately to mind.”

  “And that would be?”

  “It’s a Wonderful Hard-On starring Captain Cock and Jizzy Josh.” Gabe looked so proud of his suggestion.

  “I… can’t with you right now,” I said once I stopped laughing. “That’s one video we won’t be filming this year.”

  “What happened to that oozing Christmas spirit from earlier?”

  “Not on film, baby.”

  “Okay, fine.”

  “What about Christmas Vacation?” I asked my husband, pulling us back to safer topics. “You’re one rogue squirrel and a crazy sled ride away from bringing that movie to life. Are you waiting on a bonus so you can buy us a swimming pool? Which one of our friends is cousin Eddie? It’s Dorchester!” I realized that Gabe stopped sparring with me. “That expression is new, Gabe. What does it mean?”

  “What expression?”

  I wasn’t falling for his dumb act. I replayed everything I said up to the part where he stopped talking. “Oh my God! We’re getting a swimming pool!” I knew I had guessed right when he glared at me. I bounced up and down, mentally planning all the fun swim trunks I could wear, or skinny dipping with him in the moonlight after the babies fell asleep. “We’re going to need a privacy fence.”

  “Already included in the budget.” I saw the heat in his eyes and knew his mind had gone to the same place as mine.

  “My surprise seems kind of small compared to yours.”

  “No way, Sunshine. This,” he gently placed his hand over my heart, “is the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me. I can’t help but notice that there’s room for more little apples on that tree.”

  “Just in case.”

  “I love the way you think.” Gabe pulled me to him for a kiss that kept us upstairs longer than we planned, proving that my mother was right, as usual.

  “YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING about us being in the parade,” Josh said between gritted teeth as he held Destiny’s little wrist in his hand, helping her wave back at the crowd. The twins were a big hit with their cute little sweaters and hats.

  “Did I forget to mention that? The officers wanted to have a float this year, and I thought it was a great idea.”

  “Don’t play dumb with me, Gabe. If I’d known you were going to literally parade me all over town, I would’ve fixed my hair or put on a hat to cover up the mess you made of it.”

  Complaining wasn’t the type of sound that vibrated along my dick when I had fisted my hands in Josh’s hair. No, he moaned and urged me to fuck his face. He loved a little roughness, and I gave it to him. Of course, I couldn’t call him out on it, and his wicked smile said that he knew it.

  “Smile at Grandma!” I said, pointing to where my mom stood beside my dad, Bertie, and Bill on the sidewalk filming the procession. “Wave for the camera!”

  “I’m going to get even with you,” Josh managed to say around a smile.

  “Looking forward to it, Sunshine.” I loved his brand of justice.

  Blissville might’ve been a small town, but we sure knew how to celebrate the holidays. The streets were lined with people who came to hear the marching band play their Christmas favorites, see Santa throw candy out of an ornate sleigh that was pulled by horses instead of reindeer, and the floats built by the local businesses. My favorite float was Books and Brew’s ’Twas the Night Before Christmas, but Edson and Emma’s diner was a close second since they did A Christmas Story theme complete with a giant leg lamp. Kyle’s Santa Paws float was pretty damn cute too, and I was happy to see Mark smiling shyly on the float with Chaz, Kyle, and the staff from the animal hospital.

  I was surprised that Curl Up and Dye hadn’t entered a float, but Josh had chosen a different way to advertise each year. He sponsored the hot chocolate and popcorn so that his salon logo appeared on the Styrofoam cups and popcorn bags in a festive silver and gold font Josh only used for Christmas. He also donated salon packages that the village commerce council raffled off to raise money for their next community event. His salon packages typically raised over five thousand dollars, which would go toward the Fourth of July fireworks.

  “Y’all need a better theme for your float next year,” Josh said once we reached the end of the parade route.

  “I said they wanted a float, not that they had great ideas,” I whispered in his ear. I snapped my fingers and pointed at him when an idea occurred to
me.

  Josh looked at me warily. “Watch that thing; it could go off.”

  “You like it when that happens,” I quipped then hooked my free arm around his shoulders to pull him and Destiny tight against me and Dylan. “I have an idea.”

  “Famous last words,” Kyle said as he approached. “Don’t fall for it, Josh.”

  “Oh, I know this well.” Josh stopped and rounded on me. “No, I’m not designing a float for you next year. If I wanted to whip the town’s ass with an amazing float, I’d do it for Curl Up and Dye. You need to plan this better next year, darling.”

  “Oh, next year I’m going to bring it,” I said boldly.

  “Is this a cheer competition?” Chaz asked, but neither Josh nor I acknowledged him since we were locked in a standoff.

  “I would wipe these streets with you, Gabriel.” Josh gestured up and down the street flamboyantly.

  “Challenge accepted, Joshua.” I stared into my husband’s eyes without blinking.

  “This is sounding and looking a lot like foreplay,” Kyle said to Chaz.

  “I was thinking the same thing,” Chaz replied.

  “What’s foreplay?” Mark asked, pulling our attention to him.

  “Um,” Kyle said, his eyes bugging out a bit.

  “It’s kind of like an appetizer for grownups,” Chaz said after realizing that Kyle was at a loss for words. “We’ll have this conversation in a few more years.”

  “So, it’s about sex then. Gross!” Mark’s queasy expression made me smile. The look of horror turned to pure joy when he saw the Dorchesters approach. “Daniel!”

  Daniel Dorchester smiled just as broadly when he spotted Mark. The boys greeted each other with a big hug then walked ahead of us with their arms looped together as we headed to the hot chocolate booth.

  “I see its more than just Kyle and Chaz’s affection that’s contributing to Mark’s remarkable turnaround,” I said cheerfully. “I’m so glad he made a fast friend with Daniel.”

  “We’re pretty sure it’s more than friendship for Daniel,” John said with a rueful smile. “I don’t remember hugging my friends like that.” I expected Deanna to comment, but she remained silent. She had been open and loving to Mark the minute she met him, so I knew that her silence had zero to do with him being transgender. John looped his arm around Deanna’s neck and kissed her temple affectionately before he said, “Someone isn’t ready for her firstborn to fall in love.”

  Deanna sniffed and briefly covered her face with her gloves. “I’m supposed to be the love of his life for another few years.”

  “No one will ever replace you in his heart,” John said softly to his wife.

  “I know,” she sniffed once more before smiling up at Chaz and Kyle. “At least he’ll have great in-laws.”

  “Whoa!” Chaz said, covering his heart like she’d stabbed him in the chest. “We’re not ready for that either. Hell, we just got our first kid and you’re marrying him off already.”

  “It’s not going to be easy for them,” Kyle said soberly as we watched the two boys interact. “I just want to protect them from the bullshit they’ll face outside our tightknit group.”

  “Nothing worth having ever comes easy,” I remarked. “Besides, they have a soft, safe place to land with all of us.”

  The line for the hot chocolate was long, but the two boys didn’t seem to mind. They talked nonstop, often over top of one another, as they waited. Two older boys, I assumed to be high school age, homed in on Mark and Daniel with disgust in their eyes. They started to step forward but a tall, dangerous looking man stepped in front of them before they got too close to the kids.

  “Or, Jon can make them disappear,” Josh offered.

  Jon stepped forward and the troublemakers staggered back a few steps. I couldn’t hear what Jon said, but I guessed it was very descriptive judging by the ghost-white expressions on the older boys’ faces. Emory shook his head slowly, but his smile said he heartily approved of his fiancé’s message.

  Mark and Daniel worked their way to the front of the line without knowing that trouble had been lurking around them. We couldn’t always be with them, so their parents would need to sit them down and have a conversation about being aware of their surroundings. That made me irrationally angry. What kind of world did we live in? Why couldn’t those kids just be kids and not have to worry about bullies and beatings? I remembered how scarred Josh was when I first met him because of cruel idiots and that made me even madder. It didn’t help when I spotted my nemesis nearby with Dare on his arm.

  “What the fuck is that?” I snarled, nodding my head in Doctor Douche’s direction.

  “The reason why I had to cut Trent’s hair,” Josh replied. Sure enough, Wren wasn’t too far behind them, watching the couple walk slowly through the crowd. “I’m pretty sure Wren is going to need bail money.”

  “Who said I would arrest him?” I asked. “I wonder if it’s too late to accept Jon’s generous offer to help relocate the doctor.”

  “Gabe, stop,” Josh said in frustration. “And watch what you say around our babies. They’ll go to preschool talking like Tony Soprano’s grandchildren.” Okay, he had a point.

  “You have to admit that his hair looks better after I got ahold of it.”

  “I’ll do no such thing,” I replied.

  It was obvious that the close call with the bullies dampened our Christmas spirit by the time we reached Mark, Daniel, Jon, and Emory. I didn’t think anyone was in the mood to tour through Santa’s remodeled village, so I made a different suggestion after looking at my watch. “Why don’t we all go back to our place and watch Rudolph, eat some cookies, and drink milk or hot chocolate.”

  The kids were all for it, but there were mixed reactions from the adults. Not everyone was a kid at heart when it came to Christmas movies. “Josh can lace the adults’ hot chocolate with brandy or make that boozy buttered rum beverage I found on Pinterest,” I offered without consulting my husband first.

  “Pinterest?” Jon asked. I heard the censure in his voice, but he’d eat—or drink—his words after he tried one of those drinks.

  “Yeah, you heard me, Silver.” I leaned forward and said, “You can find everything there from decorating, to cooking, to what gets blood out of—”

  “Gabe.”

  “I was going to say clothes, Sunshine. You know how hard I am on my baseball pants.” I tipped my head in Jon’s direction. “Doubtful he needs training on that particular skillset though.”

  “I’ve learned that fire works wonderfully,” Jon said with a devilish grin.

  Emory elbowed him playfully in the ribs. “He also thinks it’s a suitable way to kill spiders,” Emory teased. “I had to explain to him that our insurance company wouldn’t agree.”

  “That spider was the size of my fist and it jumped.” Jon shivered hard as he recalled the incident.

  Jon was afraid of spiders. That was good to know for future torment and gag gifts.

  “What’s the name of that website again?” Jon asked after he took his first sip of Josh’s creamy, buttered rum drink. “This is ridiculously good.”

  “And messy,” Emory said, wiping off a glob of cream that stuck to the corner of Jon’s mouth. Instead of wiping it on a napkin, Emory sucked it off his finger like he would if he got chocolate icing on it. He wasn’t intentionally trying to be sexy, but I could see it had the same effect on Jon.

  “Ready to go home? It’s past your bedtime,” Jon remarked.

  “Since when?” Emory asked. “Rudolph just started.”

  “We can watch it at home.” Jon pressed his lips against Emory’s ear and said something else. Em’s blush told me that it was a rather dirty suggestion.

  “I am feeling tired,” Emory said, but looked longingly at his hot, boozy drink.

  “I can pour it in a to-go cup for you,” Josh offered.

  “Perfect!” Jon exclaimed.

  The warm booze helped me to relax and enjoy the show with our extended fa
mily. Destiny and Dylan fell asleep long before Rudolph reached the island of misfit toys. Our parents took the kids up to bed and retired early themselves. Josh climbed onto my vacated lap and snuggled against my chest. Meredith had assumed the same position in the recliner with Harley while Kyle and Chaz shared the love seat. Sally Ann cuddled into Adrian’s side as he held a sleeping Avery against his chest. Mark and Daniel sat on the floor in front of John and Deanna, holding hands and whispering to each other, while the rest of the Dorchester kids and Adrianna lay on their stomachs watching Rudolph’s adventures unfold.

  It was Norman Rockwell 2.0 with traditions that involved the modern family. It was everything I dreamed it would be and more. We might just need to buy more furniture to accommodate our expanding families.

  “Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire,” Savage crooned from his perch.

  “Who’s Chet?” Harley asked.

  “Don’t know,” Mere replied sleepily, “but I feel bad for him.”

  Josh turned his head and looked at me over his shoulder. “Did you teach him that?”

  “No,” I scoffed, but damn if that bird didn’t give me a good idea.

  I didn’t get a chance to put my plan into motion until after our guests left and Josh went up to bed. I told him I was double-checking to make sure all the doors were locked, but I wanted to have a little one-on-one time with my boy, Savage. Like always, my feathered friend caught on fast. The only unpredictable part was when he’d say it on his own.

  “Gabe!” Josh called from the stairs. “I know that you’re up to no good. If you’re going to be bad, do it naked with me.”

  “Coming, dear.”

  “Do you want pancakes or French toast?” Josh asked me the next morning. I looked around the kitchen and saw that we were all alone because the grandparents took the grandbabies on an excursion. I had much better things on my mind than food. “Eat up, Gabriel. You’re going to need your energy because I have some last-minute shopping at the mall to do before your tattoo appointment.”

  I groaned as my appetite disappeared over the most dreadful words in the English language. “I don’t want to go shopping at the mall.” Yeah, I whined like a three-year-old kid. “Why can’t we drive separately and meet at Dream Ink?”