Ride or Dye (Curl Up and Dye Mysteries, #6) Read online

  “It’s really hard to miss the flag pole waving in the air,” I said. “You sure you’re really up for it?”

  “I can’t believe you doubt me. You know what cures a headache, right?”

  “A nap?”

  “An orgasm followed by a nap. What time is it anyway?”

  “I think it was about six o’clock when you jumped out of bed and ran to the bathroom. It’s probably getting close to seven now.”

  “Yep, orgasm then a nap.”

  I gently eased out from under Gabe’s head with the intention of kissing a path down his body to give him a blow job, but I saw his eyes were closed and he’d already drifted to sleep. I lay back down beside him to attempt to sleep rather than get up to do yoga or read. I doubted the other two couples would be making their way down to the gathering areas anytime soon, so it wouldn’t hurt me to rest a little longer so I could stay sharp later.

  Next thing I knew, Gabe was kissing me awake, and the delicious smell of pasta and garlic bread permeated the air. “Pierre makes his own pasta,” my husband whispered in my ear. “How does fettuccine Alfredo with grilled chicken and broccoli sound to you? Juliette even sent up a few extra breadsticks for us.”

  “Is there a salad?” I asked. I couldn’t eat such heavy food without trying to eat some fresh greens too.

  “Yes, made with fresh produce from Pierre’s garden. He even makes his own croutons and creamy Parmesan salad dressing.”

  I sat up when I heard the admiration in my husband’s voice. “Don’t let me catch you in the kitchen cozying up to Pierre.”

  “I’m not going into his kitchen,” Gabe said, “but you are.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “To make up for my failed date, Juliette helped me arrange for you to be his sous chef for a few hours tomorrow.”

  “Me? Work with a chef of his caliber?” I was equally excited and terrified. I could learn so much from him, or I could make an ass of myself.

  “You get to help Pierre prepare a special dinner.”

  I just sat blinking at him. Was I still dreaming? I reached over to pinch him, but Gabe rolled out of the way.

  “I don’t think so, Sunshine. You’re not dreaming, so there’s no need to pinch anyone.”

  I cupped his face and kissed his lips. “Thank you for such a thoughtful gift.”

  “You’re very welcome. Our family will reap the benefits of all you learn from him.”

  “Have you been downstairs yet, or did you order room service? What the hell time is it?”

  “It’s almost noon, and I’ve only been awake myself long enough to shower and order lunch. I figured I would venture down after you had a chance to eat and shower. Do you know what finally woke me up from my nap?”

  “Your dick?”

  “Surprisingly, no. It was the sound of additional guests arriving.”

  “Why didn’t you lead with that part?” I asked, hopping from the bed and heading over to where the food waited in covered dishes to be devoured. “I think trying to figure out the other competitors is even more exciting than the mystery itself.”

  “The murder mystery starts the day after tomorrow, so I wouldn’t be surprised if most of the competitors show up today. That way they can rest tomorrow after traveling and hit the ground running on Friday.”

  “Hit the ground running?” I asked. “It sounds like we’ve been cast as characters in a horror film.”

  Gabe laughed wickedly, earning a narrow look from me. I hated to watch horror movies, I sure as fuck didn’t want to reenact one. Lucky for him, he was saved by an incoming FaceTime call from his mother.

  I moved to sit closer to him on the couch, and he answered the call. “Hello, babies,” I said when Dylan and Destiny came into view sitting on their grandmothers’ laps. “Daddy and Papa miss you so much.”

  “Daddy! Papa!” Destiny said, reaching for the iPad Martina used to call us.

  “Let Mamaw hold it for you, sweet girl,” Martina said.

  Destiny scrunched up her face just like Gabe when he’s trying not to fart. I could tell she was about to throw a fit and needed a distraction, so I started singing “Isn’t She Lovely?” She had no idea what the lyrics meant, but she clapped happily every time one of us sang it to her. It worked because she started to giggle and clap. Dylan looked back and forth between us like we both needed medication. At least until Gabe joined in, and then he thought it was the best thing ever. Dylan threw his head back and laughed heartily as only babies can do. Our mothers laughed too while Gabe and I continued to act like fools. It was okay because we were two fools in love with each other, our babies, and life.

  After our song was over, we chatted for a while longer. Modern technology made it so much easier for us to be apart. I could see their little faces and hear their voices. If only I could smell their baby shampoo through FaceTime too.

  “We’re about to go swimming now that lunch has had a chance to settle in their tummies,” my mom said.

  “Grandmas will need a nap too,” Martina added. “You guys go and enjoy your day. We’ll talk to you later.”

  We blew air kisses and said how much we loved everyone before disconnecting. Gabe pulled the silver domed lids off our plates, and I was happy to see our entrées were still hot. “Keeping the salad in a separate chilled bowl is a nice touch,” Gabe said. “I don’t like a wilted salad.”

  “Let’s dig in so we can check out the newest arrivals.”

  “I was thinking…” Gabe trailed off to take a huge bite of pasta.

  “Yes?”

  “Would you like to forget about the competition and go on a horseback ride or perhaps ride the jet skis on the river?”

  “I think that sounds perfect, Gabe. Besides, we’ll have plenty of time to meet the other couples at dinner.”

  Forty minutes later, we walked downstairs to Juliette’s office to make arrangements for one of the activities, but she wasn’t in her office. “Have you seen Juliette?” Gabe asked the young man behind the counter. According to his name tag, the guy was named Brandon.

  “She took Bonnie and Clyde on a brief tour,” he replied. “Juliette shouldn’t be gone long.”

  “Bonnie and Clyde?” I asked, doing my best not to roll my eyes.

  “Do you know them?” Brandon asked.

  “They have the same names as infamous bank robbers from many years ago,” Gabe told him. “Those aren’t names you often hear anymore, and seldom as a pair.”

  “Oh, I guess it was before my time.”

  “It was before ours too.” I refrained from pointing out that only knowing about current events set a dangerous precedence, but I let it go. “We’ll just grab a drink and wait for Juliette.”

  “Sure thing,” Brandon said cheerfully. “I’ll tell her you were looking for her. What’re your names?”

  “Abbot and Costello,” I replied. Brandon took out a message pad and started to write. “I was teasing, Brandon. Our names are Josh and Gabe.”

  “I am never drinking again,” Gabe said.

  “We can just grab a soda.”

  “I’m suddenly more interested in Bonnie and Clyde than I am riding horses,” Gabe confessed.

  “Me too. Let’s not be obvious about it though. Or maybe we should. They wouldn’t expect much different from a pole dancer and a professor.”

  “Too true. You’re damned good at this, Sunshine.”

  “I’m good at most things,” I reminded him.

  “Touché.”

  “WHAT’S THIS THING CALLED again?” I asked Josh, buttoning my shirt. My voice was a mixture of exhaustion from our late-afternoon sex aerobics session and annoyance from having to dress up on vacation. Why couldn’t we order in and watch television or sit on our balcony all night long? I wasn’t even aware I’d packed a dress shirt. Oh right. Josh had packed a “just in case” suitcase.

  “It’s just some kind of social mixer where we can get to know the other participants who will also be trying to solve the mystery this weeke
nd. We don’t have to stay long. We’ll eat dinner and be cordial then sneak away at the first opportunity.” My husband’s voice was calm and nonchalant which means he had a plan and it would be many hours before we made it back up to our room. I also knew he’d make it up to me when we did, so I went along with it rather than calling him out. I referred to this as picking my battles. A person only had so much energy to expend, and he’d sucked and fucked nearly all of mine out of me. I wouldn’t waste what was left on arguing.

  “Remember, you need to act angry at me for something. We want the competition to see us as weak. What?” Josh asked when he looked over at me.

  “I didn’t say anything.”

  “Your furrowed brow and scowling eyes are saying a lot,” Josh countered.

  “I just don’t want our fake fighting to turn into real fighting,” I answered. “This never works in television or movies. Someone always says some passive-aggressive remark to get a dig in at the other person then tries to scoff it off as part of their act.”

  “Babe, passive aggressive isn’t my forte. I’m very upfront with my scorn and derision.”

  “One could argue your snarkiness is the epitome of passive-aggressive behavior,” I countered.

  Josh turned away fully from the mirror he’d been looking into while styling his hair. I knew the hands on his hips, tilted head, and narrowed eyes meant he was working his way into righteous—or unrighteous—indignation. I learned a very long time ago never to refer to it as a hissy fit because it fueled the first fight we ever had and almost destroyed us before we had a chance to get started.

  “You knew you were marrying a snarkicist,” Josh said. “I believe you were the one who invented the phrase.”

  “I did,” I replied, nodding. “I also seem to remember defining the term as someone who uses snark as a main form of communication, often in a passive-aggressive way. And yes, I married you in all of your snark glory, and I wouldn’t change a single thing about you, Josh. All I’m saying is: I do not want our fake fight turning into a real fight.”

  “It won’t,” Josh said certainly.

  I wish I could feel as certain as he was, but I had a strange feeling his plans would go sideways or blow up in our faces. All I could do was remain calm, remind myself to play the role of professor, and remember it was only a game.

  “You are so damn delicious, husband of mine,” Josh said as he walked over to the suitcase holding our costumes. “I’m just going to borrow a few things from here so you can look the part of a professor.” I was too distracted by his sexy ass when he bent over to open the luggage for his words to penetrate my mind right away.

  “How do you know what I packed?” I asked.

  “I fucked you into a stupor then searched your suitcase to make sure you didn’t pack lame costumes,” Josh said, turning to look over his shoulder at me. “How’s that for honesty?”

  “Lame costumes?” I asked incredulously. “You think I’m lame?”

  “Poor word choice,” Josh said then turned back to the suitcase. “I should’ve said costumes that weren’t up to my standards.”

  “You think I don’t know how picky you are by now?” I challenged.

  “Picky?” Josh asked. “I prefer the word particular. I’m very particular about everything in my life. I have to admit you went above and beyond with our costumes. I didn’t think it was possible for me to love and respect you more than I already did. You upped the ante here.” Josh straightened and turned to face me. He held a suede jacket with patches sewn on the elbows and a pipe. “Fucking genius, Sherlock.”

  I stood taller after hearing his high praise. “The Sherlock props are actually for you. There’s also a hat just like his. I was planning to go as Watson.”

  Josh looked at the jacket in his hand. “I guess a doctor might wear a jacket like this too, but a stuffy professor definitely would. You did good, babe.”

  “Well, I didn’t predict you’d need a mesh belly shirt and spandex shorts to parade around in to play up your role.”

  “Please, your love has changed me. I’m a stay-at-home dad now. I mean, on occasion, the old me might surface when needed.”

  “You better watch what parts of you surface, Sunshine. I’m not going to pretend we’re swingers to win a game.”

  “I’d never ask you to, babe. That’s taking things too far even for me.”

  Josh’s casual, stay-at-home-dad look meant he could get by with a simple button-up shirt. I, on the other hand, was forced to wear a blazer in July long enough to make an impression. I was sure a sweat-drenched dress shirt would make a really nice impression. Luckily, we were the last of the six couples to show up for dinner and a show, as Josh called it. I planned to take my jacket off as soon as we sat down to dinner, and I had no intention of putting it back on again.

  “I must admit, Bonnie and Clyde play their roles well,” Josh whispered. “Those period outfits and suspicious scowls are a nice touch.”

  “I can’t tell if their distant attitudes are part of their roles or their personality,” I told him.

  “We’ll find out.”

  “Indeed.”

  In addition to Bonnie and Clyde, Mitzi and her daughter, Candace, and Laurel and her cousin, Yanny, showed up. Josh snorted when he overheard the latter team introduce themselves to another couple when they arrived earlier in the day. I had no idea what the hell he found so funny until we returned to our room to get ready for dinner.

  “How can anyone listen to the recording and hear anything other than Yanny?” I’d asked.

  “Because it’s Laurel,” he had responded. I’d heard Laurel too, but I wanted to rile him up. I might not be on social media, but plenty of officers talked about the Laurel and Yanny debate. Hell, even Ellen discussed it on her show. I didn’t immediately make the connection like Josh did. My decision to yank his chain worked and resulted in our afternoon sex aerobics.

  I thought I would look ridiculously out of place, but Mitzi would’ve taken the grand prize had it been a contest. “I hope the fur coat is fake,” I whispered.

  “Cruella is a bit over the top, isn’t she? Who do you suppose she’s trying to be? Aged Hollywood starlet?”

  “Something like that,” I agreed. “I can’t decide about Candace. I think she plays the vapid young starlet very well, but there’s shrewdness in her gaze. I’d watch her if I were you, Sunshine. I think she’s our stiffest competition.”

  “Oh good! Everyone is here now, so we can get started,” Juliette announce excitedly. All eyes turned to us.

  The conspiring wink George shot at me said “atta boy” while the rest of the group sized us up. I could tell it was a competitive, cutthroat crowd. I felt the energy radiating off my husband as he held up his hand and wiggled his fingers in a cute wave.

  “My apologies, everyone. I misplaced my pipe, and I do enjoy a good smoke after dinner. Shall we begin?”

  “Absolutely,” Juliette replied with a smile, gesturing for Josh and me to take a seat at one of the tables.

  I wasn’t in the mood for any of the swingers’ shenanigans, so I guided Josh over to the table where Bonnie and Clyde sat. They both looked shocked that their “stay away” expressions failed to work.

  “Good evening,” I said to them, pulling out a chair for Josh before sitting beside him. It seemed like the proper thing to do in my new role. It must’ve worked because Josh squeezed my thigh under the table.

  Bonnie gave the barest nod in greeting while Clyde continued to scowl at us. I figured it was good practice for how our kids will look at us when they’re hormonal teenagers.

  “Tonight is all about getting to know one another,” Juliette said from the front of the room. “We’ll eat the special dinner Chef Pierre prepared for us then we’ll play some games.”

  Mitzi snorted. “Games? As in Monopoly?”

  “Not exactly,” Juliette answered calmly in the face of derision. “After dinner, you’ll all have some drinks at the bar while we set up the activities.” />
  “Activities?” Petal asked in her baby-soft voice. “Sounds promising.”

  “Not your kind of activities,” Clyde mumbled, but it was loud enough for people sitting at our table to hear. I wanted to fist-bump the guy, but he didn’t return the wry smile I aimed at him, so I kept my fist to myself.

  “Six couples are participating this weekend, so we are going to set up several activity tables where you’ll sit across from another couple and participate together. Now, you won’t have to attend all the tables, but I do expect you to interact with all of the couples.” She looked right at our table when she made the last remark, so I knew she must’ve addressed it to Bonnie and Clyde. We’d never given her reason to suspect we wouldn’t socialize with others, so it had to be a conclusion she drew after the private tour she gave them of Tarlington House. “I’m going to set a timer, and when it goes off, you’ll either get up and move to a different table or wait there to meet a different couple using an activity you feel comfortable with. We do ask that you keep the activities to just two couples at a time.

  “Does anyone have any questions?” No one spoke up, so she gave the group a firm nod. “It’s time to eat the special feast laid out for you then.” She gestured to the table laden with sterling silver serving dishes.

  I reminded myself to walk and act suave when what I wanted to do was lower my shoulder and ram anyone who got between me and the delicious-smelling food. Pierre went all out with this, and I was even more excited about Josh spending time with him the following afternoon. I had a hard time choosing between the delicious prime rib or the scrumptious-looking seafood.

  “I don’t think you have to choose,” Josh said when he caught my gaze volleying back and forth between the cuts of prime rib he uncovered and the lobster tails I discovered beneath the lid in my hand. “I think you can have a slice of prime rib and eat a lobster tail. Oh look,” he said excitedly. “There are king crab legs too, and I think Petal just lifted a lid to reveal lobster bisque.”

  “Nobody makes rice pilaf like Pierre,” George purred.

  Josh and I looked down the long table to observe the older couple.